So before we begin the next topic, a reminder of the rules of the road for the blog. The Feminine Principle stands in its own truth and speaks from the heart. We can do the same.
Remember to:
Suspend Judgements - read and listen to yourself and others with unconditionalPositive regard.
Make no Comparisons - everyone’s voice is authentic when it speaks from the heart. No piece of sharing or comment is “better” than another
Delete the need to Understand - just allow yourself to receive words and content and
See what happens. “Hold it all.”
For example, can we quiet that “Critic” or “Judge” subpersonality that resides in all of our heads and choose to activate self-acceptance and tolerance instead? The goal for this endeavor is to listen to ourselves and others truth without judgment. This means,in particular, not criticizing or judging your own shared thoughts and comments. We want to practice “hearing to speech” in this blog!
Here’s a personal example. One time I became aware that I was often impatient with phone calls, chatter and large groups. I gave myself a quiet moment and the words that came were, “Because you can’t hear your own inner voice in those situations.” My wise self came through loud and clear!
Anyone relate to this experience? Share if you wish. We are all working on our authentic voices and suspending judgements! We are all learning to bring in and live by the Feminine Principle together!
An important concept to discovering one’s Wholeness is that of Shadow, the term used by C.J. Jung to describe “the part of the psyche that contains qualities that do not fit neatly into a person’s self-image.” Murdock, p. 138. One cannot become whole without the courageous act of acknowledging the less desirable qualities of one’s 360-degree personality. We are back to using our wholeness wheel.
“Most of us, for example, are reluctant to acknowledge that we can be selfish, weak or full of rage.” Murdock, p. 13. ...when we are possessed by strong feelings of shame or anger (or guilt) or we find that our behavior is off the mark in some way, the shadow is erupting unexpectedly. Usually it recedes just as quickly, because meeting the shadow can be a frightening and shocking experience to our self-image.”p. XIX in Zwerg and Abrams. Meeting the Shadow.
“Meeting the shadow calls for slowing the pace of life, listening to the body’s cues and allowing ourselves time to be alone in order to digest the cryptic messages from the hidden world.” p. XIX from Introduction to Meeting the Shadow, edited by Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams.
“The shadow by nature is difficult to apprehend. It is dangerous, disorderly and forever in hiding as if the light of consciousness would steal its very life away.” p. XVII, ibid.
C.J.Jung said, “We have in all naivete forgotten that beneath our world of reason another lies buried. I do not know what humanity will still have to undergo before it dares to admit this." p. XXIII, ibid.
“...the personal shadow contains undeveloped, unexpressed potentials of all kinds. It is that part of the unconscious that is complementary to the ego and represents those characteristics that the conscious personality does not wish to acknowledge and therefore neglects, forgets, and buries, only to discover them in uncomfortable confrontations with others. XVIII, ibid.
I hope you are still reading! As uncomfortable as it may seem to work at owning one’s shadow, it is a necessary step on the path to wholeness. There is a distinct push/pull relationship between our “inner desire to be whole” and the fear of bringing our shadow self to consciousness. “Our shadow-self remains the great burden of self-knowledge, the disruptive element that does not want to be known.” p. XXI, ibid. And yet, “a right relationship with shadow offers us a great gift: to lead us back to our buried potentials.” p. XXV, ibid.
*** First and foremost, in order to do the shadow-work necessary to find wholeness, one must definitely have the self-loving and non-judgement subpersonalities front and center. Loving ourselves for ALL of who we are and having compassion for less desirable qualities is essential!
We can then face our fears and proceed. There is always the possibility to redeem our weak and rageful selves by choosing to act out of it’s opposite subpersonality on the wheel. The conductor (SELF) can tap strong and peaceful subpersonalities in order to counterbalance weakness and rage. That power comes from within, the willingness to become aware and make choices, a distinctly Feminine Principle human capability that is accessible to all human beings.
Here is an exercise to help reveal some of one’s shadow qualities. It can bring surprising results to one’s awareness:
- Write down on a piece of paper five “positive ” personality qualities you see in another person and five “negative” personality qualities. (you are identifying more subpersonalities).
- Now share with another person what those qualities are and that partner will be your mirror. In the end, all of those qualities are ones you may or may not own in yourself.
For example, I admire the attention to detail qualities that my co-writer has. I attribute them to her but I must also look in that mirror that she is for me and see them in myself as well, if only in potential. If I do not see those qualities within me, they are in my shadow. It can be either a “negative” or “positive” quality. The negative qualities, those you attribute to others and disown, are in Shadow. The unowned positive qualities are your Golden Shadow.
Another example of a golden shadow quality for me that I have a hard time acknowledging is one that an artist friend mirrors back to me. I greatly admire her skill as artist and do not own being an artist within myself. When she mirrors back to me she says, “There are many expressions of artistry.” I have to rethink where my artistry resides and add it to my wholeness wheel. It is in Shadow.
The darker, negative shadow aspects of ourselves are even harder to embrace. It is easy for me to point a finger at another and say he or she is “heartless” when I know that I have that quality or subpersonality within me as well. If I come to recognize “heartless” within myself, I can then choose to activate its opposite and change my behavior. If I am compassionate and heartful, I must be aware that I am also capable of being heartless. I go there of my own choosing if I am aware.
A great way to identify shadow pieces is when one blames or calls another person a name. “She is caustic” or he is domineering.” Both may be true for that person but both reside, in potential, within you as well, or you wouldn’t recognize them. Human beings happen to be mirrors for one another!
If one can accept all qualities within oneself, one is more tolerant of others. It levels the playing field of humanity. Everything becomes potentially mutual and reciprocal. If you have it, so do I. If I have it, so do you. The trick is to acknowledge this wholeness without self-condemnation!
Has anyone else had shadow and golden shadow experiences as seen through the mirroring of others? How about sharing? It’s a big hairy, gnarly, topic but a goldmine for self-knowledge nuggets, the bringer of wholeness, if one steps into the shadow-work process.
More on this in the next post, Shadow Part 2.